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“Overall, increased awareness, education and open dialog can help demystify and foster healthier attitudes toward sexuality among people over 60 and 70,” American psychologist and sexologist Shannon Chavez tells HuffPost. Here are 9 things you need to know about senior sexuality.
1. The need to feel wanted does not go away
“I can only speak for my wife and myself, but I think one of the most important things that is not talked about is sex and the need for physical pleasure; to be desired, to want, to have the feeling of giving and receiving.” “I get a physical and emotional discharge that never goes away,” said Frank, 76, who lives in the Texas area and has been married for almost 53 years. “Of course there are some things that need to be resolved: erectile dysfunction, extreme dryness, pain and limited positions, but solutions exist,” he concluded: “I think the biggest problem is the stigma of old age, gray hair. or baldness, saggy breasts and buttocks mean that sex is no longer needed. But it’s the opposite!
2. Frequency decreases but quality increases (often)
“I think the most amazing thing about sex after 70 is that for many people it has the potential to be better than ever,” says Jess O’Reilly, sexologist and host of the Sex With Dr podcast. “My clients in their 70s (and 80s) report that the frequency of sex generally decreases with age, but the quality increases,” she continues.
3. Erectile dysfunction does not necessarily end sexual life
Norm, 71, said, “I have been dealing with erectile dysfunction for over 20 years. My wife has never been able to orgasm with penile penetration, but now she has at least two or three orgasms, often more.” , resident of southeast Michigan. “I guess you could call it advanced foreplay: I use my mouth, hands and legs to stimulate her.”
4. Aging can cause physical problems, but there are solutions
“Aging can cause physical changes that do not necessarily interfere with sexuality. Changes in physical comfort and mobility, such as arthritis, joint pain or limited mobility, can be easily addressed by using products like pillows for support, trying different sexual positions that are less physically demanding. “Or using lubricants to reduce discomfort,” Shannon Chavez tells HuffPost. “This contributes to a more pleasurable and satisfying sexual experience,” she concludes.””Also, being open to new experiences and adapting to the changing needs of one’s body can help older adults continue pleasurable sexual activities. In older age, sexuality becomes less efficient and more adaptive to experiences that provide pleasure and connection.”
5. Sexual creativity develops with experience
“The spirit of adventure and imagination grows with experience, if not the exhaustion of the mind due to the fatigue of the body. I may be different from everyone else, but I give myself permission to explore and engage in a variety of activities more than when I was younger,” admits David Daniel, 70, who lives in Iowa. “When you reach the end of your life, you realize that the rules, including the bed, are no longer so important. No one will give you a disapproving look and no one will discourage you from doing something you want to do because no one else cares. ” he adds.
6. It can be painful, especially for women
“The aging process, as well as all the medications that accompany it, has a significant impact on sexual functioning and satisfaction. As we age, we often experience changes in our sexual behavior, desire, arousal and overall sexual health,” says Rachel Needle, psychologist and co-director of the Modern Sex Therapy institutes.Some of the biological changes we experience as we age involve hormones, such as menopause. “This is because the body stops producing estrogen. But the decrease in estrogen production causes vaginal dryness, decreased lubrication and loss of elasticity of the vaginal tissues,” says the expert. “This often causes discomfort and even pain during sex. But long-acting vaginal lubricants and moisturizers can help.”
7. Sometimes it is more about the emotional connection
“Emotional connection and intimacy remain a priority, but sexuality itself becomes less and less important with age,” assures Shannon Chavez. “It’s less about sexual scenarios and sexual acts and more about the kind of connection and intimacy that can be gained from experiences together. Sex is less driven by the desire to look good, to ‘just please your partner, to feel obligated or to please them’. Instead of accomplishing a task, I am driven by the intention to feel good together and enjoy the experience,” she says.
8. Sexual desire is not always “expected” to be spontaneous, especially as we get older.
“Some data show that very few women experience sexual desire after menopause. One study found that 24% of women never experience desire and 41% rarely experience it. In contrast, 91% of women experience “excitement (and fun)”, says Jess O’Reilly. Therefore, it is not necessary to experience a spontaneous desire to enjoy sex. “If you’re not in the mood, you can get in the mood through fantasies, talking, touching or something else.
9. It is important to manage your expectations
“According to Reddit and other online forums, some people have sex several times a day. I told people on Reddit that my wife and I have sex every Friday,” he assumes. “We tell everyone who wants to see us on Friday that we already have an engagement. Our family knows that Friday is our day of rest and it never bothers us. The Michigan resident adds, “Could we make love more often? Maybe, but it’s exhausting and talking about it during the week is enough to keep us excited. We kiss a lot during the week just to be close,” the Michigan resident confesses.
Note: Excerpted from an article by Joséphine de Rubercy in the “Aufeminin” magazine.
